By Ashley Hughes -
A common misconception throughout the human experience is that what we do defines who we are.
Unemployment is a leading cause of anxiety and depression. Add in a pandemic and mental health rates are the highest they’ve been in years. (Center for Disease Control).
Unemployment causes obvious financial stress, but it also compromises basic human needs like power, confidence, safety and intimacy (knowing who we are; not sexual intimacy).
If we look to athletes for an example, athletes often struggle with life after their career — the more elite the athlete, the more difficult the transition usually is. But what about grad students, young adults or professionals with 25 years of experience?
The transition is just as difficult — namely because so much of our identity is wrapped into what we do rather than who we are.
However, there are ways to avoid severe symptoms of anxiety and depression as they relate to unemployment or the ever demeaning job search:
● Avoid Comparison
● Depersonalize the Experience
● Empathize
● Microdose Joy
● Disassociate Self-Worth from Job Titles
Avoid Comparison:
After graduation, three months went by, six months went by and nine months went by — I had a spreadsheet of over 100 job applications, most of which I knew had gone to the Interweb abyss.
Until grad school, I was the Type A scholar athlete you actually liked. I had evidence that hard work and dedication paid off — my track record proved it! Yet, I could not land a job for the life of me. Landing an interview felt like a feat.
I am fortunate to surround myself with smart, successful friends many of whom have impressive titles and salaries to boot. My friends and I had similar education, job experiences and networks and I wondered, “What am I doing wrong?” “What’s wrong with me?” “How come x got a job and I didn’t?” “
I sadly found it difficult to be happy for my classmates who were gainfully employed right out of the program. In fact, I was quite bitter. I’m not proud, but in truth it was what it was.
If you are struggling with the job search, you can drive yourself absolutely bonkers nitpicking friends, family and colleagues apart with why they’re employed and your not.
When you find yourself comparing your traits to others, check yourself — pause. I would also highly recommend deleting social media during your job quest because we all know people rarely post their worst moments, but rather when they’re doing great. If that’s all you see when you open your phone and you’re struggling, you may feel worse.
Depersonalize the Experience:
Let’s be frank, the job hunt sucks. No need to whip out Ivy League vernacular to express the difficulties of job searching, but it’s not personal.
One of the biggest challenges for people struggling with mental wellness is personalization. Depression and anxiety create a sensation of needing to solve a problem. “If I feel depressed, something must be wrong with me; if I figure out what’s wrong with me, I can fix the problem.”
Guess what. There is no problem, you are unfortunately just in a sucky situation many before you have had to endure. I don’t mean that to invalidate your feelings, but to express that the challenges you face right now are not because you’ve done anything to deserve job quest misery or because you’re not good enough, but because ultimately it’s part of life.
Sure, you will have that one friend that’s known exactly what he/she wanted to do for their entire life and they’re doing it and they’ll work at one company for the rest of their life and retire and die happy that way, but that’s probably not you and that’s OK.
When you receive an automated response that a company “will keep your resume on file for future openings (which, let’s be real — that’s complete BS and whichever HR person thought that was an easy way to let someone down needs a quick lesson in psychology) or an alumni tells you they don’t have anything open, it has nothing to do with you.
So how do you combat this if your brain is challenging you to think about what’s wrong with you?
● Write down all (and I mean allllllllll) the qualities you like about yourself. Right now. Personally and professionally. It doesn’t matter if you like your eyelashes or your snobbery regarding pizza, write down things about you that you like.
● Create a list of reasons that have nothing to do with you as to why a company was unable to hire you (the company went bankrupt, the company was bought out, they are only able to hire undergrads, their maximum salary was 30% lower than what you deserve, the company is known for sexism). There are tens of reasons why a company won't hire you and 99% of them have nothing to do with you. It’s important to flip your perspective when you personalize a situation.
When you find yourself personalizing the experience, acknowledge it. It’s human nature, but then once you notice it, come back to all your great qualities,and reasons unrelated to you as to why the company or organization went in a different direction.
Empathize:
Few things feel worse than someone invalidating your feelings. If you’ve got friends and family who have never had to bear the burden of the job hunt, chances are they can sympathize, wish they never have to be in your shoes, and may also find it difficult to support you in the way you need.
So, fun fact: People can’t read minds. I know, I know, I keep hoping my fiance will just know what I want when I want, but in truth, that’s not how communication works. (Sadly).
If you are the person struggling, it’s helpful for you to tell people who want to support you what you need. You most likely need some empathy and validation. While friends and family may be unable to put themselves in your exact shoes, I can guarantee they’ve all felt low at some point. Ask them to think about a time in which they experienced the same feelings you are now. This will help them to say more supportive things like “Wow, that’s really hard.” “Damn, that is frustrating.”
You may also really not want people to give you suggestions like “Have you tried this?” (Of course you have!) because while they’re just trying to be helpful, it might make you feel worse/incompetent. Like “Wow, you really think I haven’t tried everything in the 16 months I’ve been applying to jobs? Thanks for the bode of confidence! Not!”
Tell them that. Chances are when they had an experience like yours, they didn’t want advice.
It’s important to understand that when dealing with mental health the goal of communication is not to make someone feel better. No, we set the bar lower in mental health. The goal is to avoid making someone feel worse.
If you are the person who knows someone struggling, it’s important you figure out experiences that emotionally relate to what your friend, child or former colleague is going through. Validate their feelings, give them a hug and empathize.
Microdose Joy:
When mental health is compromised, we experience “cognitive distortions,” which means we may perceive experiences differently than others, usually from a negative lens.
When someone is struggling with anxiety and depression, their life is mostly about how bad they feel in that moment. It doesn’t matter that the sun is shining, they got all green lights, an A in Finance or had a good hair day. If someone is struggling with a mental health disorder, things are usually perceived badly.
Luckily, the brain is a muscle! That’s right, just like we train biceps, we can also train the brain and it can be wired to think positively.
Yes, it takes time. Sorry, there’s no magic potion to make you feel better all the time or snap out of a depressive episode. (No. Benzos, shrooms and Molly don’t count).
Enter: Microdosing Joy.
Perhaps you’ve heard of gratitude journals where you write down three things every day you feel grateful for — it’s like that but instead of what you feel grateful for, you write down three things that brought you joy at the end of every day.
Writing has a strong attachment to the brain’s memory and when you write down things that bring you joy, your brain starts to remember the day’s past in a more positive light.
This exercise also trains your brain (overtime) to understand that even on the worst days, good things happen — you find a penny, a friend sends you a card, you discover a new song you love, you watch your favorite television show in peace, a cute dog runs up to you -whatever! We’re not reaching for the stars here, we’re going back to basics to remind you that even though this chapter in your life sucks, your life, in sum, does not.
Disassociate Self-Worth from Job Titles
It’s OK that your career is important to you, but it’s equally important to remember you are way more than your job title or any other one thing.
I have severe trauma and one of my biggest pet peeves is when people refer to me as a victim or a survivor because I feel like those labels put me in a box. Yes, I was a victim and I was a survivor, but I’m also a yoga teacher, a daughter, a fiance, a fundraising guru, skier and a redhead.
It’s truly important to recognize you are more than one thing.
Get a piece of paper and three different colored writing utensils.
- Write your name in the middle in one color.
- Write every noun that describes you (athlete, writer, son, student, cook, bulldog lover, unemployed...etc) in another color.
- Write every adjective that describes you (kind, funny, athletic, smart, outgoing, impatient..etc) in another color.
Now think about the following ideas:
You can be unemployed and smart at the same time. You can be an athlete and lazy at the same time. You can be a loving father and unemployed. You can be an all-star athlete and unemployed. Remember you have a lot more going for you than just your job title.
The goal of this exercise is to help you realize you are many things beyond a job title. By doing so, you can help detach your self-worth from the job search, and acknowledge, this is a tough experience, but that’s all it is, a tough experience.
That doesn’t mean the experience sucks any less, but you have the power to take care of your mental health and disempower the job hunt’s negative impact on your psychological welfare.
Finances are an obvious stressor when you finish school and are on the job hunt. See if you can find a fun part-time job that pays the bills, teaches you something new or affords you experiences you’re excited about and gives you the time to keep sending out resumes. I worked at a ski resort for a year before I landed a full-time job and it was great to be able to ski while my knees are still intact instead of waiting until I’m retired and have the time.
Look at the job hunt quest as an opportunity for interpersonal growth. The tools listed above are beneficial in times outside unemployment. Take the time to take care of you and you’ll be an even more valuable asset wherever you land a job because you will land a job.
Author: Ashley Hughes
Ashley graduated from the FIFA Master in 2017. Since graduation she became a mental health advocate, specifically in the sport industry. She consults on mental health programs and aims to educate and empower the world of sport through workshops, workbooks, 1:1 coaching and monthly courses. To learn more visit www.supplementalsports.com